Patience and Sam, The Clingy One

Patience is one of those qualities that I’m constantly struggling to hold onto. I’m afraid that I’m not nearly as patient as I could be and certainly not as patient as I’m sure everyone else is. This bothers me. I can feel it (the loss of my patience) begin to rumble and rise when someone says something completely ignorant, for example, or when someone cuts me off in line at the post office when I have two screaming toddlers. But today I felt it when Sammy grabbed my leg every time I tried to leave the room. “Aarrggh…” I wanted to scream. Just “aargghhh….!”

If I lash out at the line cutter or at the ignoramus, I often feel a release. In other words, sometimes it just feels good to yell or call someone out. The guilt I feel, however, after prying his little hands off my leg (not just once or twice today, but SEVERAL times) is awful. I’m never sure, as an Autism Mom, whether Sam is clingy because of the autism or if this is normal toddler behavior. (This is a recurring question in my day-to-day life with them)

I did scream “aargghhh…!” as I went into the kitchen (hardly a reason to call in the troops) but his sobbing pelted me. His brother, John, is usually oblivious to my comings and goings. Does this mean that Sam is not as affected by his autism? Perhaps guilt is really the wrong thing to be focusing on if he seeks out contact and connection with me all the time. Hmmm…


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  • Wow, it does sound like you have a lot on your plate. (I have a Sam, too, by the way) No wonder you lose your patience now and then. I don’t know when your sons received their diagnoses but I think you’ll find a lot of kind women in the blogosphere who know how you feel. I don’t know what I would have done this past year without them. In the meantime, don’t be too hard on yourself. We all lose our patience now and then!


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