It’s Not You, It’s Me…

The front page of today’s paper made my husband seek me out with worry. A pretty comprehensive study has found a link between advanced paternal age and the incidence of autism. It’s not often we hear advanced age in the same breath as paternal. Part of me thought It’s about time buddy, but a bigger part of me really doesn’t care. There have been so many studies, so much head scratching when it comes to figuring out ASD, and really — who knows?

I concede to having felt extreme guilt for things I unknowingly exposed my boys to while pregnant (is that what happened?) and to have looked at my husband’s two older boys who are NT and thought, well, there must be something wrong with me then. If truth be told, I secretly thought my advanced maternal age (now 40) not only gave me twins (my aging confused body split its embryo in two) but is also one of the main reasons my boys have delays (old eggs).

Well, today is a new day and I’m tired of thinking about the whys. I adore my children — beautiful, confounding quirks and all.

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