43 Months

There are very few things that can top this morning.

As he does every day, John began to “talk” loudly before my alarm went off. We are nothing if not creatures of routine: I dragged myself out of bed, went in to change him (yes, soaked through) and brought him into bed with me while we waited for Sam to wake up. My eyes closed for what I hoped would be a nice 5-10 minute snooze as John continued a very lively conversation with his Po doll on the pillow beside me.

The snooze didn’t last long. I peeked over to watch him hug Po, then hold her at arm’s length only to pull her back in slow motion — a sing-song quality to his voice the whole time. I took his hand and patting Po’s tummy I said, “Hi to Po!” “Hi to John!” That’s when he laughed and said “Mommy!”

Mommy, folks. Just a few days ago I was wondering if we were close and here we are. I can’t possibly convey the joy that immediately and completely washed over me. If you’re a mom, though, I think you know.

John has been so happy lately. Smiling, singing, laughing. Pulling me along like I’m one of his Teletubby dolls to arrange and examine at his own pace. I’ve been quite content to follow his lead and am amazed at the eye contact I get when I join him in one of his many stims.

Once unimaginable connection.

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