Up and Away

Last night John was unusually talkative.

“I want!” he said jumping up and down, “I want! I want! I want! UP!”

This is code for Throw me up in the air and make fart-y sounds on my face and tummy. I love it, I hate it, I love it! I love it! Ack! Do it again!

Over and over and over, Twins Dad held him high and showered loud slimy kisses all over his grinning face while Sam waited his turn, impatiently, jealously. “MY TURN!” he shouted. “GUYS, it’s MY turn!”

I love these moments, so natural, so normal, so not draped in the cloak of autism. I love how my boys love their dad and anticipate his arrival by the window. Unbelievable gems, right down to the sibling rivalry.

Lately I’ve had more than one person seek me out after getting an autism diagnosis for their twins — online and off. In fact, 99.8% of all google search words that lead to this blog are “Autism and Twins” (no doubt due to my incredibly literal and uninspired decision to not name it: Swinging From the Ceilings and Awake All Night).

What I want to say to those who have stumbled here is that those early days are hard. Whether you have two or one or six, they are freakin’ hard. It may feel like you will not survive it — it’s impossibly big, twins and now this? Maybe you don’t even want to survive it and you fantasize about someone else taking the wheel of this new life. But you will. You will because there are these gems, these moments that make you catch your breath in awe. One day you will look around you and realize that normal is this and it is good, even great, despite all the struggles.

One foot in front of the other, you will get there.


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