Back in Teletubby Land

My eyes open to your silly grin. As always, I hug a sliver of our king-size bed — you’ve trained me well over the years. Even when you don’t come bounding in at 2 a.m., I still awake curled at the very edge of the mattress and wonder why my body feels so tense.

There you are: peering over my pillow. You laugh and say,”Tubby custard!”


I have the odd sensation that I am in a video, trapped in Teletubby Land and you, John, are the eerie baby sun. Much cuter, of course.

“Uh-oh,” you say. “Mommy time to get up? Time to say hello?”

I will not lie: I had hoped we had seen the last of that foursome. Do you remember how you WOULD NOT LEAVE THE HOUSE without your Po doll in hand? There was the time you dropped her in a crowded store and we didn’t realize it until we were all the way home. Your daddy was so mad and so frantic to find her. (He did, of course, cursing her all the way.)

One day, John, you just stopped carrying Po. I placed her on a shelf with the others and three years passed.

And then this morning.

It’s the same but so very different. Back then you were silent — you certainly never recited lines from videos or locked eyes so intently with mine. So, yes —okay! I’ll sing with you! But can we leave Po at home today?

Tinkywinky. Dipsy. Laalaa. Po.
Teletubbies. “Teletubbies!”
Say, Heeeeee-lo! “Eh-oh!”


Leave a comment
  • I’m always interested when one of children seems to revert to an old familiar comfort toy or routine. Nik’s been struggling with some medication changes (for seizure control) and has also been periodically reverting to some songs he used to love and hasn’t listened to in a very long while. Kind of makes me wonder if John might be trying to process something difficult or if he’s somehow feeling unsettled and needs the extra security of old routines?

  • I just finished reading your blog and I could relate so well even though I only have a daughter with the same type of autism as Sam except for the sleeping like John. She is 8 and her brother is 6 (and he constantly informs anyone who will listen that while his sister is autistic, he is neurotypical!). I was just wondering if you felt that John’s newest medication (forgive me but it started with an r)was giving him the opportunity to open up to the world. Thanks for sharing.


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