Slow Motion

Three weeks ago my life imploded and ever since it feels like I’ve been moving in slow motion. I think this is what happens when your life shifts — and mine is definitely shifting — your vision is crisp, the blinders are off. So many things are clear right now, here’s one…

…John’s brilliant light.

This boy’s light is dazzling. I’ve always known he was special, but god is he smart. So smart. His teacher reports that he is close to one of his classmates, a little girl. When other children cry he claps his hands over his ears, but when M. cries, he goes over to her, puts an arm around her shoulder and says, “S’okay Mo-mo.” I kneel down in front of him and ask him whether he would like orange juice or apple juice and his eyes, god his eyes, look me straight in the eye when he answers, “Orange juice?” I catch my breath.

Small things to other families, incredible for mine. Empathy, expressiveness, comprehension. This is what else I see…

…Sam’s tenderness, his heart.

He worries about everyone and wants to name feelings. I try to give him kid-size words for adult problems. I tell him he is a kid and the grownups will fix the grownup problems. I tell him that everything will be fine, that he is loved, so loved. This is a boy who studied Thomas the Tank Engine videos for clues on facial expressions, and who could probably lead his own social skills group. He says, “I love you so much, Mom.”

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  • So wonderful that you are seeing more of those wonderful glimpses into John’s heart. Those little moments….that proof that there is empathy and love behind our kids do…there are no words to describe how much that means. He will continue to surprise you, I’m sure!

  • My identical twins boys have autism too. I often sing to them this song – tailored a bit to fit who they are.
    “That little light inside, please let me see it shine. That little light inside, Please let me see it shine. That little light inside, I’m gonna see it shine, let it shine shine sine, let it shine.”

    My guys are 21 months old. I could use a friend like you 🙂 I’d love your advice on how to hang on.

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